I think 2008 is the worst year I've had so far. Everything's so depressing and everyone's so insensitive, but at least it's almost the end of the year. Hopefully when auntie Ida flies off to Australia and my grandparents move into her Pasir Ris house and my mom gets married, things will be better.

Life would definitely be a lot easier without them. At least without my grandma. She is such an insensitive bitch. I mean, in the morning while I was having breakfast before school, she comes and complains that my mom did not wash the knife she used to make my peanut butter sandwich. And she's all like, "When you grow up you also become like that ah." Well, of course I would be insulted right. Then she starts saying how my mom is marrying for sex and I start crying la. Like who the hell would want to hear that? And she didn't even care to stop saying all that, so I got up and slammed stuff, JUST LIKE SHE DOES EVERY TIME SHE'S ANGRY(which is almost all the time) and I get called rude. Like wth. If she doesn't want me to slam things why does she do it?

And it doesn't even end there. I wrote her a letter after my mom confronted her and everything saying how she has all these ideas about how my mother should be when she herself doesn't seem to know how to be a grandmother. And I was using the word fuck in it because I was truly angry, so in her reply letter that was one of the main things she focused on. About the grandma part, she only said that if I thought that grandmothers like her weren't good, she couldn't care less.

So she doesn't care about how bad her attitude is. Then what about us? Are we supposed to be nice to her and all when all she ever does is criticize people and gossip as if she's so perfect? Sure she cooks, but we don't force her to do it. When my mom cooks, she complains that it tastes like shit, but then when she cooks, she complains we treat her like our maid.

All this while it seemed as though she was being nice to me, but I think I was only trying to make myself believe that, so I wouldn't get hurt. I mean, I am probably the only one she can confide in (i.e. bitch to/complain to/force to agree with her) in the house. So I was her punching bag. I had to listen to her non-stop bitching and agree with what I never believed in. I had to hear what I didn't want to. If I'd walked away, I would have been called rude and this thing that's happening now would have happened earlier. If I'd asked her to stop bitching, I'd still be called rude. Whatever I do, I'd be in the wrong. And well, I was also too afraid to stand up to her.

This sudden outburst probably shocked her, but I could sort of feel it all building up in my chest a few days before. I kind of knew something like this was gonna happen. And it did. I don't think I regret it, you know. Just that I'm disappointed that nothing's ever gonna give her a reality check. You see, she criticizes everyone about their little mistakes that they make, but she can't see the huge ones she's made.

At the start of her reply, she said, "What a nice letter from once a madrasah girl. So 'fucking' is your favourite word!"
Yeah, well just because I was from a madrasah and learned to respect my elders, it doesn't mean I have to suffer and do nothing about it until you die.
She says that fucking is a disgusting word. Well, tell that to yourself, lah! You were the one who told me that all men are fuckers!

Sometimes I wonder if she lives to make people's lives a living hell. Or maybe her heart froze over or something.

Now I've got to say sorry. I guess I should.

Life is sucky.

Bye.