Hey.

I'm like so fucking depressed right now, can? I didn't go for NPAP today because I had class committee training and it takes priority over CCA and everything else. Turns out I missed the selection for the top 40 in each contingent. I don't mean to be all ego or whatever but I actually believe I was doing pretty well. To think that I was getting so excited for this day; I really thought I was going to be in the top 40. And to think that I told Speech Day to go fuck itself so I can go for the NPAP preview next Saturday... PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT. Seriously.

I am not sure if I can beg the trainers to let me into the top 40 next parade, but I'd feel really bad if I got in at someone else's expense. Damn it, I don't know what to do!

Today I waited for Syadza and the NPDP people to come back to school before I went home. Went to meet Syadza at the TKSS bus-stop at around 7.30 and she told me about the selection thingy. We went to the bubble tea shop to be all depressed and emo and to moan and curse and complain and tell each other how we deserve to be in the top 40 more than certain people. Yeah, we have seriously huge heads.

You know, Syadza's been a really good friend this year. One of my closest ones. I certainly feel like I can trust her and she is amazing company. I love how we can decide to go to Suntec on a whim or how we talk so much about random things, people etc. It's sad that we're not in the same class, but at least we're partners during Malay. Today we decided to be best friends with the official label and everything. I guess that this was the silver lining my mom was talking about when she called me in the MRT to ask why I said I was feeling sad.

So today had its good parts and bad parts. I'm trying to focus more on the good parts and telling myself that there is the possibility they might change the selection. I just gotta do my best for the remaining sessions. Another thing I am quite happy about is that I enjoyed the CC Training. Our instructor was entertaining enough and we learned leadership skills through games. At least my 3 hours there didn't go to waste.

My throat feels so sore at the moment and I'm hoping that I'm not coming down with anything. Tomorrow's the Meet The Parents session plus a briefing about the subject combinations for sec 3. I cannot stomach the idea of being a year three student next year. I can't believe that next year would already be our third year in TKGS and I can't believe we'll be doing our O levels the year after. But that is for later and I shan't worry myself senseless now.

Oh, that super cute somebody from NPAP I mentioned some time ago has not been spotted again. Found a new person to crush on. Haha. But I realised I don't crush hard on people any more. So weird lah.

Goodbye.