Hey.

This week was so hectic and today was the only day I had the right to veg out. I spent it napping and eating and watching TV and finishing up two books I borrowed from the library yesterday. I feel happy as an organic couch potato should. CAs are creeping up on us students again. It was only a few weeks ago that I felt overjoyed term 1's tests were done with. Fast forward a fortnight or two from then, and I'm already struggling with all these killer papers.

As always, I'm not too sure which CA's on which day, if there are any tomorrow (although I do have a nagging little suspicion that there's lit or something), what to study for and blah blah blah. I really have to buck up and get (back?) on track. I want to do extremely well this year. I want to be in the top 5% of the cohort. Partly because you get 500 dollars for that, but mostly because I like feeling successful.

I am rather contented with the way my life is right now. I think I'm rather contented with me, too. I hate days when I lack confidence. It's so terrible, finding yourself ugly and inadequate compared to all the skinny girls around you. Nowadays it doesn't happen quite as much as it used to, and I'm thankful for that. I think that when you stop obsessing over all this superficial crap, you start to notice that it really is annoying to hear somebody complain about their size or whatever, especially if they're stick thin. Even if they're not, it's not good to feel that way about yourself, right. It's a bit like seeing yourself from another person's perspective and you start to reflect. It's pretty amazing.

On a different note, the NPAP preview yesterday was kind of nice as a whole, although it didn't start off that way. The journey to TKSS(our pick-up point) was a little rough on my legs. They were barely awake and they had to walk me all the way to the TKGS main gate(from there I cabbed to the school-next-door's front gate for three bucks) from the Canadian school, since all the gundu TKGians going for Speech Day or whatever they had on a Saturday morning at school forgot to press the bell in the bus. The bus driver was also a little mean for not letting us alight.

At the Home Team Academy, the reserves - i.e. people who weren't picked for the top 40 during the last training - were sent off to the grandstand to sit and watch. I sat there and sulked till the break. When that was over our trainer Ma'am Clarice came and picked me to replace this guy who got sick or whatever. I was so excited to actually be in the contingent during the preview I forgot to put on my beret leaving the grandstand. Even after I remembered, Sharifah still had to urgently point it out as soon as she saw me. Kind of embarrassed that I looked like an over-eager dork, but it's OK.

At the end of the parade, just before dismissal, our trainer asked for one rep from each school to give her the names of their unit-mates who were in the top 40. Sharifah told the ma'am that only she was in. According to her, Ma'am Clarice asked about me and Sharifah said she didn't know if I was in the top 40 or not. Ma'am Clarice ticked my name anyway. Ahh, my hopes are really pinned on this right now. Haifaa was a casualty yesterday and was kind of frustrated for not being able to participate and hopefully get into the top 40 too since she missed the selection for CC training like me. Her back has been strained since camp, that poor girl. According to her, my drills are good. I want to believe that, but I know I'm not that good. I still find it a little hard to stand with my head held high in the hot sun for so long. I still think I move forward/backward a bit while doing hentak kaki or marching on the spot. I still think I don't cut my baton down sharply enough while doing the baton salute. I've still got flaws here and there.

There are some people in the contingent I really admire for their drills or enthusiasm. Hopefully I get that good. Gotta improve and get in. No next time for this.

I hope I don't sound conceited.

Bye.

PS: My shoulders hurt. I think it's due to the way I sleep or something.